I have not missed a webinar since day 1. Not that has taken any kind of real effort as I have relished each and everyone. It’s when a repetitive task becomes tedious and then moves into the realm of boring that sticking with a task month after month, can take on what seems heroic efforts. the webinars are and have always been engaging to say the least. Listening to Mark can often times be like sticking a fork in a light socket and enjoying the shocking jolt in the process. Davene’s no nonsense delivery is honest and refreshing. As my mid west Nebraska friend would say, “she can tell you how the hog ate the cabbage!” What that means is , Davene has the ability to get right to the heart of the matter without sugar coating it. Because of Mark and Davene’s honesty, I trust them and listen with my heart as they give us their instructions and awesome content. It was because of my respect for Mark, Davene, and Trish that this last webinar has had without a doubt the most profound effect on me this past week.
During the webinar Davene stated, ” Decide….are you going to take that first step out into your Hero’s Journey?” That statement haunted me. Next Mark says, ” be honest with yourself. If your just going through the motions and not doing the work, be HONEST!….hold your head up and walk away. Stop fooling yourself.” That got my attention. I felt like both Davene and Mark were speaking directly to me as if they had put a surveillance camera somewhere in my house and had been watching me. The icing on the cake was when Jason talked about honesty and how as a matter of course, he would lie to himself all the time…..After the webinar, these comments kept getting louder and louder in my head and heart….I kept asking the question of myself. “Are you going to quit something else yet again??…Turn tail when the crises arises and slink away?”…I kept hearing: “HONESTY…lying….integrity….persisitence…You have to make a decision…”
I was in an emotional and spiritual panic. Suddenly, the veil lifted, the fog vaporized, and I saw my life as having been one big lie that I had been telling myself for decades. Never really examining the BS I incessantly told myself. I had always been a people pleaser at the expense of my own inner feelings and dreams and had lived with regret and resignation about my inability to be powerful enough to say NO! As Mark had stated, “if you don’t decide to step into your journey, your authentic self, all you’ll ever be is a copy of a copy of a copy of someone else.
At that point in my internal conversations and panic, I wondered if I was going to have to trade in my marriage, my whole life and take a radical new path, leaving a path of destruction for those I loved most to deal with….Last Sunday night was a “Dark night of the Soul” kind of night. I laid awake all night with Mark and Davene and Jason’s voices in a taped loop running over and over in my head. “Decide….Honesty…I’m a habitual liar…who is that man in the mirror really?…Do you want to be a copy of a copy?”….Also Mark had said, ” a lot of people create distractions just large enough for them to make excuses why they can’t move forward…Boy has that ever been me!
After what seemed forever, I did sleep a little. When I awoke, I knew that my heart had made a decision. I am not walking away. I AM going to find my bliss! I AM starting out on my hero’s journey and I don’t have to crush anyone else in the process especially my family. It’s not their fault I’ve habitually given away my personal power…I have to face it, I’ve given away my power because I felt It absolved me of the responsibility of taking control of my own life. It’s been a cope out of mine for decades. Nobody else should suffer for my indecision, least of all those who’ve loved me the most.
.—This week for the first time, some miraculous events have happened. I believe the universe saw my true heart and that I made a DECISION and is responding in ways that are leaving me in awe…I am so grateful. Avenues, previously unknown to me have materialized this week and are moving me to the realization of my DMP and PPN’s of recognition for creative expression and Liberty. Mark had said early on, ” somewhere between weeks 12 and 18, the light bulb goes off…My light is beginning to shine!—-